Ever since my last manic episode my psychiatrist has been seeing me on a two week basis to monitor my progress with the addition of my Depakote.  I went to my appointment yesterday and he told me he had something serious to talk to me about.  Of course, me being me, thought it was something terrible I had done.  It wasn't...and this is why I think the world of him as a doctor.

He explained long term usage of Depakote mixed with Lamictal could cause a syndrome called Stevens Johnson.  After explaining to me what this syndrome was and it could be fatal  we discussed my options.  I've had such great results from the Lamicatal through the past couple of years I don't want to stop taking it.  When I was put on the Depakote he lowered my Lamicatal explaining the Depakote could cause the Lamicatal to increase in it's potency.  He thought I was doing so much better at this time I could be weaned from the Depakote....I agreed.  So starts the process.  I'm doing a three day...half the dose of Depakote and then stopping it completely.  He'll be seeing me next Friday to see how I'm doing.  If I experience a severe mood change a few days from the stoppage I'm to call him immediately. He's always been personally available when I'm in crisis.  I'm keeping my hopes up there will be no adverse effects.

Years ago I was diagnosed with manic-depression with severe anxiety.  They've since changed the term "manic-depression" to bipolar 2.  At first I couldn't understand this change as I didn't feel the excited hyper moods of bipolar.  After a lot of research I've learned I'm hypo manic.  It's why I have my severe depressive episodes. So far they haven't changed the terminology of anxiety and I'm hoping they don't.

I feel confused when they change a term for what I have.  I guess it goes back to having my routines and not liking change in my life.  They changed the term for my illness and it confused the hell out of me.  I've learned to keep up on the research so I don't freak out when something changes with names or diagnosis.  There are times when I feel like it may be detrimental and add to my problem.  Most of the time I feel it keeps me up to date on new findings.  It like a see-saw and I keep changing seats sometimes.

After twenty-some years of self medication (drinking and drugs) finding a great therapist, and now psychiatrist has made a huge difference in my life.  Although I've been hospitalized twice I know both times saved my life.  It seems after my last "episode" it's time for me to really get down and do the work...to understand more about myself.  More about the illness and common moods.  I'm starting to slowly learn to separate the two.  It's a huge step for me and I will continue to work hard on those steps.  Although I know I will always be bipolar, at least I can learn to differentiate between what is the bipolar and what is a common emotion which other people experience on a daily basis.