Sad:  Adjective:  1. Unhappy - feeling or showing unhappiness, grief or sorrow.

 

 

Sad - a familiar feeling, a feeling which makes me angry, which adds to the sadness.  Why must most of my feelings lead to other negative feelings, which add to the original feeling?  More importantly, I don't understand how these feelings come about.  Well, I take it back, I understand some of them.  This one I don't understand right now.  I over analyze and it makes me angry when I can't figure out the sadness.  I wouldn't worry about it if it were just one day.

 

 

Monday I was angry.  When I feel angry I then turn it inward and am angry at myself for being angry.  Annette and I discussed it.  Part of my problem is the feeling anger wasn't "allowed" when I was a child.  Somewhere in the recesses of my brain it's still a rule.  Hence when I become angry I become angry with myself.  When you're not allowed to express anger as a child it's hard to know how to constructively handle it as an adult.  Anger is hard for me.

 

 

I'm not quite sure where the sadness fits in.  I guess it began Monday evening and has gotten progressively worse with the week.  I really try to hide it from Stephen, and most times don't succeed very well.  I'm sad because I don't know how to turn it into happiness.  I'm sad because I don't want to be sad.  I'm sad because I think of various ways I may be able to relieve some of the sadness, but I'm too sad and unmotivated to do it.  Or could it be there's a part of me who doesn't really think I deserve happy. 

 

 

Tomorrow is Valentine's day.  Another holiday to help retailers make more money.  Valentine day is no different than any other day for me.  I love Stephen just as much everyday of the year and need no special day to tell him.  No, this has nothing to do with the sadness....an off the wall comment I've had rolling around my head.  I know it does make some people sad.  People who may have ended a relationship, or lost a loving partner, or aren't in a relationship.  I know people who hate the day....the day of love can make so many people so unhappy...so sad.