I realize I normally write only when I'm feeling down or beating myself up.  I seem to dwell on those times rather than the times when I'm feeling well (like this past week).  On Monday I read the last post I'd written to my therapist.  Her and I spoke and it's like both of us had a break through.  We hadn't realized we weren't exactly on the same page.  I didn't realize what a huge relief it would cause to come to this realization.

I haven't worked in a couple of years.  I'd worked since I was a teen, and always had some type of anxiety or depression trying to satisfy my employers.  For the ten years before I stopped working I'd done what I liked....worked with animals.  I worked in two animal hospitals and then a pet sitting place and then pet sitting on my own.  My calling in life is to work with animals....it's honestly people I don't work well with.  I always felt pressure from my employers.  I didn't like the fact I wasn't praised for what I did well, but had what I screwed up on pointed out.  The clients at the animal hospital loved me, it was the management I left because of.  With my own pet sitting I had one client I went to everyday.  She was neurotic with her dogs, and it finally became to stressful to get her daily calls.

Stephen and I both decided I'd take a break from working out in the public to see how it went.  My life still didn't feel "right".  I berated myself for not doing anything, not accomplishing anything.  My therapist kept suggesting I get out more, get more done, maybe go back to work.  I didn't want to do any of these things and would always come up with some sort of excuse or feel bad when I went to see her and nothing had changed.

She finally realized I'm happy and comfortable not having to work.  I want to be at home, I want to basically be able to do what I want, when I want.  If I want to play my online game I don't want to feel guilty because I'm in the virtual world.  I have friends in that virtual world, friends I actually talk to via vent.  No, I'll probably never meet any of them as they're all over the country, but they're my friends.

I do realize I need to get out.  I also know my calling, my love and my passion are animals.  After a bit of a rough start to the year (due to Peanut having to have emergency surgery)  I went back to volunteering at the animal shelter this week.  I love it!!  I'm a dog person,  so working with dogs who need some extra love and attention has made me feel great about myself.  I'm volunteering at a small shelter and they don't have many volunteers, so I know my coming in is very much appreciated.  For right now two days a week suits me just fine.  I may add to that...but I'm going to stay where I'm at for right now.  They need me on two days when the trainer works.  I love the fact she'll be teaching more about animal behavior and having me work one on one with the various dogs.

I also received a catalogue  in the mail this week for various types of classes in the area.  One is an eight week art class.  It's a two hour individual session once a week and starts in March.  I'm going to be signing up for it because I've always wanted to draw and paint.  I'm excited about it.  I feel like I'm beginning to put myself out there, to do things I've always wanted to do.

It's been a good week....