I'm tired today...so tired it's hard for me to keep my eyes open to post.  I have to post though because this post is running through my head and I know it won't stop until I write it.  It's so therapeutic to be writing again instead of posting a few lines on the online social network.  I don't use the name because I really don't want people finding me by looking up the name of it.

My thoughts are a bit racy today.  I'm so tired it's hard to keep them at bay.  I'm not sure they'll pop up on here, but it'll be interesting to see. 

I think one reason I'm so tired is I had to get up a bit early to have a root canal done.  I came home, let the dogs out and then took a nap with them on the couch.  I was hoping the tiredness would go away once I woke up.  I was going to go up to bed, but felt bad leaving Hank in his kennel since I'd been gone all morning.  I woke up and am still tired.  I've eaten lunch and could go back to sleep again.

I wonder if the stuff they use to numb your mouth can get in your system and make you tired?  I'd love to read some Pema Chodren, but I know I'll fall asleep once I start reading.  I do have stuff set out for dinner and know that's one thing I'll get done this evening.

I guess part of me feels a bit guilty after all I accomplished yesterday.  It's like I wish I could be like that every day.  Is it part of the bipolar that makes me like that, or is it just me.  It's so hard to tell some times.  It makes life so confusing to differentiate "real" life from bipolar life.

I've been doing a lot more research on bipolar after the last episode.  I didn't understand why I didn't have the manic stages I'd heard about.  I didn't realize there were two types, or maybe it was explained to me and I had so many thoughts going on I can't remember.  That's the hardest part, all the thoughts, all the time it seems.  I'm trying to be mindful today, but I'm too damn tired to even do that.  I know I'm not going into another episode though because the anger and irritation aren't present.

Okay, so I've gotten a post written.  I'm going to go back and lay down with the dogs.  I'm not going to force myself to stay awake and try to get anything done.  I hope I can do a little self care without feeling guilty.  I'm wondering if the medication they use to numb your mouth also has an effect on your body and makes you tired?