Well...I'm back from my appointment with Annette.  As usual the part of my mind which had been telling me she was pissed at me was wrong.  As soon as I walked in I told her to let me talk for a bit.  I told her about my anxiety about coming to see her today.  She understood and assured me she wasn't mad or disappointed in me.  She's confused about me right now.

All the work we've done over the years and I suddenly break down.  I can see her on a Tuesday and everything is okay...and the next thing she knows she's getting a call saying I've broken down.  I told her that wasn't "me" that week...she corrected me and said it was.  She has always explained our personalities like a multifaceted diamond. There are various parts to our personalities and this was one of mine.  I've never thought of my break downs as the "real" me, but it is.  It's not someone else...it's me...it's me having a hypo episode.

We discussed further therapy and how she's a bit confused and anxious as to where this is going to lead.  I promised to be more open and honest with her.  She called Stephen while I was in the office and ask him how I was doing at home and if he thought I'd harm myself.  He told he felt confident I wouldn't.

Our next step is for me to see her twice a week.  To be very open and honest about my feelings. For me to learn of the warning signs before I harm myself.  I will always have bipolar.  Learning how to cope and see part of the warning signs of a hypo episode scares me.  I know there will be more, and hopefully I can face them when they hit.  If not...to reach out to someone before I get to the point where I completely loose it and try harming myself.

On another note...I read it's good to get out and do things to keep you occupied.  I've always read this, but did nothing to follow through.  On my way back today I stopped at the local animal shelter to sign up for volunteer work.  I begin training on Friday.  I not only think I can help the animals there, I believe they can help me too.